Sad

The other day I wanted so badly to hold a sleeping baby in my arms. There is nothing like it. The smell, the little sounds that make their way through the baby, the feeling of the baby’s chest going up and down in your arms, the tiny feet and fingers, the realization that sweeps over you that this baby is completely dependent upon you for life.

I am sad. The work of the ministry has been a distraction this week, but I still come home to the painful reality of what is.

We are incredibly blessed to have three healthy children, yet this somehow doesn’t offset the pain that I feel. My heart still aches for the loss I will experience in this unborn baby whom I won’t get to see scrape a knee, wrestle with siblings, and experience life in the fullest.