Sunday, December 6, 2009

I Do Not Have Control

I wake up at night worrying about so many things. I do not consider myself typically to be a worrier, but the realization has swept over me that there are so many elements to this journey that I do not have one single bit of control over. Here is my list that I need to surrender to God:
  1. I can not make this baby whole.
  2. I do not have the power to heal or change any circumstance of this baby's life.
  3. I don't know when this baby will be delivered.
  4. I don't know how this baby will be delivered - natural or c-section.
  5. I still don't know the sex of this baby.
  6. I have a list about a mile long of "to dos", before the baby is born, of things that vary from photography shoots to buying the baby the one outfit he/she will wear, to blogging more often. This list may/may not be completed.
  7. Our family is two states away and could potentially miss the delivery.
  8. My children may/may not be allowed into the hospital to see their sibling due to the recent H1N1 scare.
  9. I do not have control over how my husband and children grieve.
I write this list out to help me see how insignificant I am in this whole circumstance, how powerless I really am. I need to see how significant God is in this circumstance. His list is short. He IS in control over all. I would please ask that in all of my humanness that you would continue to life me up in prayer as I humbly trust God with this list. And more.
-Summer
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3 comments:

  1. Brad and LauraDecember 6, 2009 at 11:03 PM

    Hi, Summer. You don't know me, but I came across your story while reading one of my college friend's (Rachel Hamann) blog. And I just wanted you to know that I've been praying for you and your family and your precious baby! Proverbs 3:5-6 has always been one of my favorite verses and I love how the Message puts it... "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best." Good is good! And God is in control!

    with love, Laura Masbruch

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  2. AnnaDecember 7, 2009 at 4:58 PM

    will absolutely be praying, for you and for this list, Summer.

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  3. KandyDecember 8, 2009 at 8:32 AM

    Your faith speaks of Gods awesomeness! I can only offer prayers on your behalf and that I am doing! Often during my week I think of you and pray; pray for peace, joy, faith and endurance. Your faith is strong and I trust will only get stronger, all though you will have "human" days too ;) My heart aches for you and your family, I continually lift you up in prayer and will also call your baby by his/her name when I share your story and your faith! Please know you are being lifted up all over by your family in Christ!
    Blessings with Christ's love,
    Kandy

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