Thursday, January 21, 2010

Keeps Me Praying

While talking to my sister the other night, she said something about my children that made me want to write something.

She said that Caden keeps me in line, Ellie keeps me on my toes, Will keeps me smiling and this baby keeps me praying.

I have spoken with many of you who have voiced how helpless you feel in our situation. I want to communicate to you that you are not helpless if you believe in prayer. I have learned more about prayer through this trial than any other I have faced. Prayer really is enough. This is how I can tell our story: It is prayer that is carrying us through.

It does not eliminate the pain of losing a child. I can't tell you how sad I am as I think of next week's delivery. I still can't imagine leaving that hospital with empty arms. I can't imagine coming home recovering from a delivery without getting up four times a night to nurse a child. I can't imagine January 25, 2011 or any year thereafter. The delivery of our baby will just be the end to another chapter of this baby's life and a new one will begin. I am not the author. God is. And I do have hope of what is to come because of my faith.


1 comment:

  1. I want you to know that you are not alone. Too many of us have experienced what it's like to be in a "special" room with a dove on the door, to carry a box of memories out of the hospital and not a child, to endure a recovery without the beautiful gift that is a reminder of why it's worth it. It is like nothing else I've every experienced. I felt alone in the world and that a huge part of me was missing. As time went on, through the support of others who endured the same, as well as others, I was able to look forward to the anniversary instead of dreading it. I can talk about my daughter with love and hope and not sadness. This too will be you, it just takes time, my longtime friend.