Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Baby Shower

Last week, Rick and I went to the Perinatal Hospice in Rockford, The Haven Network. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but we walked away richly blessed in many ways..

Kathy is the name of the lady that was our care giver. She was simply full of grace and was a true blessing to Rick and I in this journey. She literally "showered" us with gifts and keepsakes to help us memorialize our baby. Blankets, outfits, amazing photography services, scrapbooks, books and resources to help our grieving children, a special coloring book for Caden to help him imagine what the baby would be like, and a keepsake box. Everything had a meaning and everything was beautiful. I never thought holding a baby blanket made by a stranger would minister to me so much. Kathy conveyed to us that the women who make the blankets and clothing have a true calling to serve the Lord in this specific way and it showed from the intricate detail of every item we saw.

We walked away from this experience more humbled than when we walked in. God keeps chipping away at my prideful self more and more through this journey. Sometimes I ask myself "Why me God? Why now?" I guess he just saw this as the best way to scrape away at my hard heart and to draw me closer to His divine purposes and ultimately to Himself.

Would I have chosen this? No. Would I change my circumstance to watch this little one grow into adulthood? In my humaness, yes, but because I know that God's plans are perfect, no. I wouldn't.

I don't' want to convey that I am not in extreme pain, but what I hope is displayed more loudly than my pain is God's strength and power. This is what I have that I desperately want for so many more. Maybe even you who are reading this blog. This is what is carrying me. Not my own strength, but God's. Man was not made to carry the burdens of this world, but God has chosen to through Christ. So I am laying this child literally at His throne. I need to do that with my other children, Rick and even my own life every day.

I can't make sense of the why's or what's now. Maybe not ever. But I know that there is a God who has a much more effective plan with this child's life now than as if the baby were to live here on earth for a longer time then I had dreamed.

If you do not know this God that I am talking of, I pray this causes you to question and search for yourself this King I am speaking of. He will change your world and turn it upside down. I promise you that.



  1. Summer - thank you for sharing this! I want you to know that I have also been challenged by the grace that you and Rick have handled this entire situation. I am not sure I would have been able to keep such a strong faith in God while dealing with the iminent birth and death of my baby. That you are growing in your faith is clearly apparent. I am praying for you!

  2. Summer and Rick,
    you do not know me (I am a friend of Rachel's) but the words you write are a beautiful testimony of God's love and faithfulness. Praying for you during this difficult time. He alone will give you the strength to get through!