HE’S STILL IN CONTROL

Today was a roller coaster. Summer began bleeding this morning around 11. Since she no longer has placenta previa, we were not sure what this meant. She has also not felt the baby move since 2am. Called the doctor and we finally were able to get in. He began immediately to check for the baby's heartbeat. These were the longest 3 or 4 mnutes of our lives. He kept trying to find one. As the moments passed on, we began to feel the inevitable had happened. He finished his test and said that the baby may have passed. He ordered an immediate ultrasound. We just sat shocked and cried. Not yet. Why God? Not yet. I felt as if October 13^th happened again.

Today is our 9^th wedding anniversary.

We went into the ultrasound waiting room. The waiting seemed forever. Summer noticed for the first time that, after being in that room many times, on the wall were pictures of butterflies – a sign of life. I'm not sure if that discouraged or encouraged us at that moment. The tech called us in – here we go again. She began the test. I watched the screen – Summer didn't think it was wise for me to, but I couldn't help. I wanted to see that baby. And then I saw it. Before the tech said anything, I saw the four chambers pumping in and out blood. Selah or Michael was still alive! We couldn't believe it. The tech couldn't believe it. The doctor couldn't believe it.

It wa such an answer to prayer. We know what the outcome is going to be eventually – but I could not bear the thought of having two opposing anniversaries on the same day. I believe God is telling us that He is still in control of our lives. He wants us to be drawn to our knees and to surrender completely to Him. He is drawing us closer.

We do have prayer requests. The bleeding is real, however it is not from a ruptured placenta. The doctor thinks it is what is called the "bloody show". Sounds pretty gross , but what we do know is that Summer's cervix has dilated 1-2 cm. and that these are early signs of labor. Her placenta is still a bit questionable and they are calling it a low-lying placenta, but barely. It is on the cusp of their decision whether to do a natural delivery or C-section.

Nothing is in our timing, we know. But we have a few things we would love to accomplish before it all happens. Our frst prayer is for Summer's safety, rest and peace – and that she would not have to have a c-section. Our second prayer is that we would be able to accomplish some of our to-do list, including having a professional photographer come in next week for a pregnancy shoot and more time to come alongside our children to help them prepare for what is ahead. Summer and I also feel like we need more time together. The past three weeks have been grueling for me and I don't feel like we have had anytime to grieve together and to plan in this time. Please pray for a lighter schedule for us these next few weeks.

As always, thank you for your prayers.